By Hazel Christine Herber
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A great battle in dealing with divorce comes out of the hole of pain, hatred and bitterness ahead-forgiveness is the hardest part-you’ve run through denial and anger and you want to misery for those who caused your own. You “spy” on your ex, to know whether he is miserable or doing good (with emphasis on miserable). But the reality is, by spying on your ex, you are the one itself be checked and miserable and sitting in the situation, to keep you moving on and forwarding. -It seems a boulder that you will weigh down.
You are experiencing hatred and bitterness because:
(1) you will feel the loss of a life that you have always known for years and the denial that it comes to an end; and
(2) you find you have done wrong, your ex to unfair divorce especially when he or she has found someone else and you are in misery, while your ex is happy with a new dumping you in the process. It Is possible to forgive and get over the pain?
It is easier to forgive and forget the pain when you are in a better situation itself, and bitter won’t help for the situation that caused the pain will never disappear-but the pain will. The first step is not to look back and cut it off as a bad part of you and finding ways to get yourself in every aspect. Don’t be discouraged however your ex doing in his or her new life, what for? Whether he or she is doing well or miserable don’t you each will help, so just concentrate on yourself. Start with your physical-take good care of your looks best, you can get in shape. Meditate on your time alone, read good self-help books, get spiritually connected-the Bible never fails to give hope.
An even closer relationship with the kids, they are also, even if there are situations where you and the children in a better situation without your ex are hurt. They can be your main sources of power if they are also dealing with divorce of their parents.
Focus on making yourself better in your career as well. If you feel you must and can go back to school, by all means do so. Enjoy each activity that you like, it’s a sport, hobby, something that you fulfillment, especially one that allows you to mix with a lot of people-group sports, dancing, social organisations.
When you have your confidence by all these have rebuilt, dealing with divorce is easier because you feel good about yourself and not miserable more and it’s easier to forgive, to know you have risen from that miserable slump and become a better person. Especially learning to forgive whether or not the person has asked forgiveness, you will feel light and peace in knowing that you have enemies not in your heart-the fact that you is risen above the crisis is enough.
Why is it that for many, even after years, we are still in the bondage of bitterness? Because time really does heal all wounds-it only makes it less painful-but will forgiveness. It provides closure to a painful past and leads to the path of personal freedom. Find it in your heart to forgive and experience peace in your soul. This is the time when one can say that a really has moved on.
For more on very recommended reading that will definitely help on how to deal with divorce and be freed from the slavery of the bitter past, plus other articles which gives tips and advice on dating, relationships, parenting, website and self-improvement, of the author at http://guidance-and-advice.com.
Author studied psychology and has successfully combined motherhood and career.
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