Last time I talked about picking battles with my kids about clothes, bed and bath time, food, and friends. This time I’ll talk about doing or not doing battle with the ex.
Battles with the Ex have raged on since the beginning of time (well almost). My ex is no different with the exception of nasty arguments and name calling.
When I realized that we would not be raising our children together I made a decision to treat the relationship as business arrangement. Yes, I know, it’s easier said than done if he’s less than nice and purposely gives you a hard time. Once I realized that using the kids to make his life miserable or demanding what he “owed” me, I simply made a mental list of what I would need from him in order to raise my children. Surprisingly, when it was all said and done the list was very small. All I needed (and it turns out that it really wasn’t a need) was for him to pay child support.
I am fortunate that he willingly complied to pay child support without a court order so I’ve received it since the birth of my daughter. I had no problem with him visiting the kids or arranging a holiday visit.
I learned that by removing my emotions I am able to reduce the battles and get on with living, without him that is. If your ex is hard to get along with and is determined to make your life miserable you may consider finding an advocate to deal with him for you. It could be a friend, a parent, or a sibling. It doesn’t have to be a long term arrangement, just long enough until he understands that you are only concerned with the business of caring for your child.
Getting entangled in arguments and bitter fights with your ex just gives him power and control over you. Yes it’s true; allowing people to push your buttons puts them in control of your life and behavior. I don’t mean to lecture, but I’ve learned the hard way and just have to share with you. You have to get to the point where you are not angry at him or hurt that he’s no longer in your life. Until you do you will remain embattled with him and have a miserable life.
Next time I’ll discuss family/friend battles. Here’s to your empowerment!
Rockin’ Single Mom Sam