By Kathy Slattengren
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What four things matter most in parenting? They may be the same as the four things that matter most in life? It is likely that they might be the same as our relations with our children are among the most important ones we have in our lives.
The four things that matter most
In his book, the four things that matter most: a book about living, Ira Byock proclaims what are these four more important things to say that these you love:
Please forgive me.
I forgive you.
I love you.
Byock explains “comprising only eleven words, these four short sentences are the wisdom of the basis of what people who are dying taught me on what matters most in life.”. The book contains many stories moving people who were healed relations when they have been able to say these things to each other.
Forgiveness – the hardest to do thing
A history of the book is about Avi which had been rejected by his father when he was a child. He harbored a deep resentment against his father for his cruel behavior. When he found out that his dying father, he realized how much his hatred of his father was still controlling his own life. It was even interfere with the relationship he had with his young son.
AVI did not feel his forgiveness father deserved. Byock explains “it is wrong to think that people need to feel sorry to give forgiveness.” Forgiveness is actually on the emotional economy. It is a one-time cost you pay to erase years of 10-fold emotional pain. … Although his father deserves forgiveness, Avi made. His father would die. AVI was the one who should carry the animosity and resentment in the years to come. He had transported long enough. »
After Avi forgiven his father, he also found that it was more forgiving towards his wife and children. “Without knowing it, Avi was perpetuating many features – such as being quick to judge, too critical and rigid in his ways – that he despised in Simon.” It’s so easy to repeat the behaviour of our parents with our own children, even when we have loaned oath that we would never treat our children in this way.
Byock notes “righteous indignation may be seductive and addictive, but unresolved anger is toxic to your happiness and your relationships.”. Anything toxic for our happiness and our relationship is worth the effort to remove!
Your relationship with your Parents and your children.
The relationship we have with our parents affects the relationship we share with our children. Even if our parents are dead, they continue to strongly influence our lives.
Mike & The Mechanics’ song “in the Living Years” he well understood:
“I know that I am a prisoner at all, my father held so much.”
I know that I am a hostage of his hopes and fears
“I hope only that I could have told him in the years of life”
You do not have to wait until someone is dying to say four things. Express love, forgiveness and gratitude can be woven in your daily life.
Say these four things to those who are most valuable to help you strengthen your relationships with them. Try today!
Kathy Slattengren is internationally recognized educator and founder of priceless Parenting parents. “Invaluable parental offer.”
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